


What the water gave me

by magnusbaene



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Alec Lightwood, BAMF Magnus Bane, Battle, Battle Couple Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Boys In Love, F/M, Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Post-Canon, Revelations, Salty Alec Lightwood, Sweet Alec Lightwood, magnus dealing with 2x12, slight spoilers for 2x13 (concerning alec)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 23:51:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11218836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnusbaene/pseuds/magnusbaene
Summary: At this point, Magnus was hanging on by a single thread. Emotions kept spilling over the edges of the walls he had built anew after regaining his own body, pretending to all that he was fine. But his past was catching up to him, his reflection blurred in all mirrors he passed. It was inevitable really, his own breakdown. This was the one thing he could do, channel his emotions into power until only wrath remained.___a battle forces Magnus into contemplating the art of pretending





	What the water gave me

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies, this is my take on Magnus' thoughts following the events of 2x12, as well as his relationship with Alec and .. well them kicking ass
> 
> Hope you enjoy! — Title taken from Florence and the Machine's _What the Water Gave Me_

> And oh, poor Atlas  
>  The world's a beast of a burden  
>  You've been holding on a long time  
>  And all this longing  
>  And the ships are left to rust  
>  That's what the water gave us — Florence and the Machine,  _What the Water Gave Me_

 

 

The night was laden with electricity, cracking over the asphalt. The air heavy and burning, still reeling with the screams of the dead as darkness encroached the world and their lives. The battle was still going strong, circle members littering the long walkways within the garden. Charred flowers were left in its wake, and Magnus couldn’t help but mourn the destruction of such beauty.

Still, he thought as his fingers sparked and the skies roared, there was no time to dwell on the concept of mortality. Raising his hands, he threw the approaching circle member, a man slowed by the arrow sticking out of his leg, against a low barricade, satisfied by the sound of breaking bones. Another arrow flew past him, the sound somehow loud despite the screams of pain all around him. Magnus knew that Alec wasn’t supposed to be here, having been assigned to the other shadowhunters within the building. A smile played at his lips when he imagined Alec’s glare as he listened to Imogen’s words, the ever present war of head against heart raging fiercely. It was clear which one had won this time.

Jace had been here too, a moment ago. Throwing a thankful nod in Magnus’ direction after they had briefly fought together. Jace’s words were still ringing in his ears, the boy standing in his loft with guilt ridden eyes. _I know nothing I say will make this right. But I’m here if you need me, Magnus._

It was really no surprise that he had found both brothers at his side when the battle had begun. Another unsurprising thing had been Alec’s concerned look, coupled with the respect he had always shown him, as they had stood together, a single sphere of calm. Alec hadn’t touched him, but waited for Magnus to press his lips to Alec’s cheek, a _be safe_ whispered into the air. With a sigh, Magnus had turned away, only for Alec to gently grasp his fingers.

“I love you,” he had murmured, gaze heavy.

“I know,” Magnus had answered, “I love you, too.”

Now, chaos was raging, and this had always been a place which made Magnus feel more than welcome. At this point, he was hanging on by a single thread. Emotions kept spilling over the edges of the walls he had built anew after regaining his own body, pretending to all that he was fine. But his past was catching up to him, his reflection blurred in all mirrors he passed. It was inevitable really, his own breakdown. Nevertheless, it would come on his own terms. And thus, he built and built just as the magic built in his hands as he stood on the burned grass. This was the one thing he could do, channel his emotions into power until only wrath remained.

Without preamble, he slammed his hand onto the ground. Black smoke rose from his body, encircling the three people who had the audacity to attempt an attack. It scratched at their legs, moving up until it could bury right into their hearts. Soon, only ash remained, and Magnus moved on.

He could feel his magic snap at its next opponent, just as outraged as him. It had been violated, used in ways it didn’t want to be used, and now it was ready to destroy all those who had made that happen. The air turned thick, the temperature rose. Magnus was prepared to fight every single person standing in his way until he reached Valentine himself. They dared to challenge him? Hell was his kingdom, and they would feel its presence in their souls. He wanted to make sure that no one would ever suffer the way he did, and if this meant punching a few circle members? All the better.

Suddenly, an arm grabbed his and promptly let go, the smell of burned flesh strong in the air. Magnus turned, and stopped the oncoming seraph by the blade. He saw his opponent’s eyes widen, but before she could comprehend his powers, he drove the sword back, burying it in her shoulder. Blood spattered, and he delivered a kick, but his advance was stopped by an arrow hitting her face.

Alec’s presence was felt in his bones. Just as the presence of half a dozen circle members following him. Sensing his boyfriend at his back, his head turned slightly in his direction.

“Have you brought me a surprise?”

“Yes.” Alec’s voice shook with the thrill of battle, “I hope you like it, babe.”

“Alexander,” Magnus scoffed, “we’ll have to talk about your gift giving skills when we get home.”

Before Alec could respond, their opponents moved. Magnus heard Alec’s seraph blade being activated behind him, their energies feeding off one another. With a shout, Alec charged, and Magnus threw his hands forward at the same time.

His magic filled the air with static, its red colour bleeding into everything it touched. Still, Alec moved between its destruction, the sparks dancing around him, settling on his skin when a circle member came too close. Magnus was stunned momentarily by the easy way they fit. He had always known that Alec and him were two parts of a whole, but feeling his magic accept this as truth was something different, something more. The well of emotions within him threatened to overflow once again, and Magnus intensified his magic, hoping to distract himself from the revelation burning in his veins.

Soon enough, they were left standing alone. Blood was pooling on the ground, the grass black and wet. With a frown, Magnus turned his gaze to the bodies lying on the grass, and it only cleared slightly when he noticed Alec moving to his side.

“Are you alright?” Alec’s hands hovered over his body, clearly revealing Alec’s need for an answer. Magnus gave a nod, and Alec breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Don’t you have to report back?” Magnus asked, and the scowl on Alec’s face almost made a laugh spill past his lips. Almost.

“Jace already knows where I am.” There was bitterness coating his tongue, one which Magnus knew just too well, “He’ll tell Imogen what she needs to know.”

“I don’t think that will help your standing with the clave, Alexander.” It was one thing for Magnus to swear off the clave’s judgement, but Alec had always wanted-

“I just-” Alec cut into his thoughts, his jaw tight, “I don’t care about that right now. I don’t- They’ll never stop hating me because I’m-, well, I’m too gay for the clave, after all.”

“And your boyfriend is too much of a downworlder.”

“And my boyfriend is too much of a downworlder,” Alec echoed, “It’s just.. I’m the most qualified person to lead this Institute, I was _raised_ for this, and still.. it’s not enough. I don’t even know if I still want it after all this. A part of me just wants to tell them to go fuck themselves and let them figure out how to keep anything together without me.”

“Sometimes, things like these seem hopeless, and you don’t know what to do.” Magnus could feel his words running ahead, saying more than he wanted to, and his heartbeat hammered against his chest. “There will always be people who hate you, but in the end all that matters are those who don’t. Maybe you want to show those who do that they’re wrong, work twice as hard and swallow the disappointment when even that is not enough, just to prevail, bloody but victorious. But if the goal is not want you want most in the world, is pretending really worth it? It’s not an easy decision, and it requires a lot of introspection.” Taking a deep breath, Magnus forced an easy smile onto his face. “I suppose you have to follow your heart, Alexander.”

Alec’s eyes were piercing, even as a small smile grew on his face, “You’re right,” he said, “we have to do what we want, what is best for ourselves. Thank you.”

Magnus felt too hot suddenly, like the smile on his face was burning his skin. Was pretending really worth it? There was a choice, lying heavy on his mind, one that was still his to make. He could pretend, hide everything away until he forgot again, let the hole in his chest grow, but was that what he truly wanted? Magnus felt the ocean within him rise, up his body, up his throat, up and up and up until it lay right on the edge, and this time he opened the lid.

“I don’t want to pretend anymore, Alexander.”

Alec’s eyes snapped back up to him, all attention on Magnus. His hand was still hovering over his arm, and Magnus leaned into it, allowed himself to lean on Alec in a way he hadn’t before.

“Okay,” Alec said softly, hand slowly running over Magnus’ skin, “whatever you want.”

“Let’s go home.”

Moving away, Magnus caught Alec’s hand in his, and opened the portal.

Telling him about his past would not be for Alec after all. It had to happen for Magnus himself, be a way for him to finally work through it without simply forgetting, he knew that now. And maybe, hopefully, he had finally found someone who would simply listen and hold his hand while Magnus did just that.

_Hold my hand,_ Magnus thought with a smile as he intertwined their fingers, _and lend me strength for the journey ahead._

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think, and come yell at me on tumblr @ [magnusbaene](http://magnusbaene.tumblr.com), or on [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/Maqnusbaene)


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